Healing Internalized Misogyny:
A Path to Healing and Authentic Connection for Women and Girls
When I had my first daughter, I believed I was ready to raise a confident, self-assured girl. But as she grew, I noticed subtle judgments creeping into my language—critiques about her “bossiness,” concerns about her being “too loud,” and even unconscious comparisons to other girls. It wasn’t until I caught myself policing her authenticity that I realized I was perpetuating the same internalized misogyny I had absorbed from a world that distrusts, demeans, and discredits women’s voices and autonomy.
This humbling moment marked the beginning of my journey to unlearn these patterns, heal my relationship with myself, and foster deeper solidarity with the women in my life, including my daughters.
As a therapist who primarily supports women, I have yet to meet a woman struggling with self-worth whose pain isn’t intertwined with internalized misogyny. This Women’s History Month, let’s delve into how these invisible chains form—and how breaking them can free our minds, relationships, and futures.
Definitions: Cause Words Have Meaning
Patriarchy is a social system in which power, influence, and decision-making have historically centered around men, often limiting the voices, experiences, and contributions of women. Addressing patriarchy isn't about diminishing men—it's about creating a balanced society where everyone, regardless of gender, has the opportunity to thrive, feel valued, and live authentically. Feminism, at its core, seeks fairness and equality for all genders, inviting everyone to engage in meaningful conversations about building healthier relationships, families, and communities together.
What is Internalized Misogyny?
Internalized misogyny refers to the unconscious adoption of sexist attitudes and beliefs about oneself or other women (Bearman, Korobov, & Thorne, 2009). It manifests in subtle yet insidious ways, often going unnoticed, deeply embedding itself in our perceptions of self-worth, relationships, and societal roles.
Feeling distrustful of women in general without apparent reason.
Valuing traditionally masculine traits or behaviors above feminine ones.
“I’m not like other girls” mentality (distancing oneself from femininity).
Judging women’s choices (e.g., “She’s too ambitious”, “She has too much masculine energy,” or “She’s not a good mother”).
Competing with other women for male approval or societal validation.
Why It Goes Undetected:
Normalization: Patriarchal values are embedded in media, religion, and family systems (Bearman et al., 2009).
Survival Strategy: Mimicking misogyny can feel safer in oppressive environments.
Internalized misogyny often disguises itself as "harmless jokes," assumptions about women's abilities, or subtle judgments. Over time, these seemingly minor behaviors can solidify into deeply damaging patterns that undermine self-esteem, fuel anxiety, and perpetuate toxic competition among women.
Impact on Mental Health and Self-Concept
Research indicates that internalized misogyny strongly correlates with heightened anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and even self-destructive behaviors (Szymanski & Henning, 2007). The persistent pressure to conform to societal standards of womanhood or beauty can result in ongoing self-doubt and internal conflict.
Internalized misogyny corrodes self-worth by teaching women to:
View their emotions as “dramatic” or “irrational.”
Prioritize others’ comfort over their own needs (e.g., people-pleasing).
Equate self-sacrifice with virtue.
Relationships with Other Women
Internalized misogyny disrupts genuine connections among women. It encourages rivalry and mistrust rather than support and collaboration. This often shows up as harsh judgment toward other women's choices, appearances, parenting, career paths, or relationships, further isolating and fragmenting relationships.
Internalized misogyny breeds:
Isolation: Avoiding vulnerability with women for fear of being seen as “weak.”
Judgments: Deaming others or oneself as unacceptable based on hierarchical purity standards.
Internalized Misogyny in African American Women 👩🏽🦱👩🏾🦱👩🏿🦱
For African American girls and women, internalized misogyny is often exacerbated by racism and historical trauma. The expectation to embody the "Strong Black Woman" stereotype—projecting resilience, independence, and unwavering strength—leaves little space for vulnerability, compassion, and self-care (Abrams et al., 2014). This often silences Black women's true experiences and perpetuates harmful narratives that hinder authentic self-expression.
Colorism and Texturism: Devaluing darker skin and natural hair as “unprofessional” or “unfeminine.”
Respectability Politics: Policing behavior to avoid stereotypes (e.g., “angry Black woman”).
Adultification and Hypersexualizing: Black girls are deemed as “fast” or “provocative” for behavior or attire that is often developmental, healthy, and appropriate.
Religion and Internalized Misogyny
Religion can both challenge and reinforce internalized misogyny. Traditional religious teachings often place women in roles that emphasize submission, modesty, and servitude, intertwining spirituality with restrictive gender norms. Nevertheless, many women discover empowerment by reinterpreting religious narratives in ways that elevate rather than constrain their potential (Schüssler Fiorenza, 2013).
How religious frameworks often reinforce patriarchal norms:
Example: Teachings that frame women as “helpmeets” or gatekeepers of sexual “purity.”
Impact: Women may internalize guilt for asserting boundaries or prioritizing their needs (Gallagher, 2003).
Intergenerational Impacts 👶🏿👧🏾👩🏽🦱👵🏿
Internalized misogyny is frequently passed down through generations. Mothers unconsciously pass these beliefs to their daughters, influencing their self-image, relationships, and worldview. To break this cycle, it takes awareness, intentional action, and compassionate accountability.
How Mothers unconsciously pass down internalized misogyny through:
Language: “Don’t sit like that—it’s not ladylike.”
Modeling: Sacrificing their dreams to prioritize others.
Silence: Avoiding conversations about sexuality or autonomy.
Healing Internalized Misogyny
Healing is possible and essential. It begins with:
Awareness and acknowledgment: Recognizing and naming these harmful patterns without shame.
Journal Prompt: “When have I judged myself or another woman for defying patriarchal expectations?”
Radical self-compassion: Actively nurturing self-worth outside patriarchal definitions.
Reframe Narratives: Replace “I’m too much” with “My voice matters.”
Educating oneself: Learning about feminism, intersectionality, and womanist principles.
Community Building: Seek spaces centering women’s voices (e.g., feminist book clubs, therapy groups).
Building authentic sisterhood: Cultivating safe, affirming communities with other women.
Therapy and counseling: Professional support in unpacking deep-rooted beliefs and traumas.
Feminist Therapy: Challenges societal power imbalances (Enns, 2004).
Self-Compassion Practices: Neutralize shame with kindness (Neff, 2003).
Benefits of Addressing Internalized Misogyny
Addressing internalized misogyny opens doors to authentic self-love, deeper connections with other women, improved mental health, and empowerment across all areas of life. Liberation from internalized misogyny can open the doors to:
Stronger Self-Worth: Trusting your instincts without apology.
Healthier Relationships: Building trust and collaboration with women.
Breaking Cycles: Modeling authenticity for future generations.
For me, the journey transformed my relationships—especially with my daughters—allowing for vulnerability, openness, and mutual growth.
This Women's History Month, I invite you to explore how dismantling internalized misogyny can lead to a life rooted in authenticity, empowerment, and radical love 💗.
References
Abrams, J. A., Maxwell, M., Pope, M., & Belgrave, F. Z. (2014). Carrying the world with the grace of a lady and the grit of a warrior: Deepening our understanding of the "Strong Black Woman" Schema. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 38(4), 503-518.
Bearman, S., Korobov, N., & Thorne, A. (2009). The fabric of internalized sexism. Journal of Integrated Social Sciences, 1(1), 10-47.
Enns, C. Z. (2004). Feminist theories and feminist psychotherapies: Origins, themes, and diversity. Routledge.
Gallagher, S. K. (2003). Evangelical identity and gendered family life. Rutgers University Press.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.
Schüssler Fiorenza, E. (2013). In memory of her: A feminist theological reconstruction of Christian origins. Crossroad Publishing.
Szymanski, D. M., Carr, E. R., & Moffitt, L. B. (2009). Sexual objectification of women: Clinical implications and training considerations. The Counseling Psychologist, 37(5), 684-725.
Szymanski, D. M., & Henning, S. L. (2007). The role of self-objectification in women’s depression: A test of objectification theory. Sex Roles, 56(1-2), 45-53.
Watson, N. N., & Hunter, C. D. (2015). Anxiety and depression among African American women: The costs of strength and negative attitudes toward psychological help-seeking. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 21(4), 604-612.